nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize