I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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