I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
