i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
