and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
