proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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