How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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