We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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