We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
