Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
