I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
