im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
