My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize