I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
