it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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