Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
