i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
