i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
