Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
