I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
