We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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