I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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