just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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