I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
