Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
