she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
