her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
