Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
