also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
