I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
