I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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