i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
