Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
