Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
