I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
