Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
