So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
