if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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