You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
