I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
