So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
