Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
