So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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