I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
