i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
