I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
