im about as happy as oj after his trial
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
