So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize