i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
