i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i can't believe i had my finger in that
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
