I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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