i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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