Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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