She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
