The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
