new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
