So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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