i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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