U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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