Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
