Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
