Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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