Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
