last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
