just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
