Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
