I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
