The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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