I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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