We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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